Eve mathematics - well not really..

I approach Eve like one big math problem.

I graduated with a mathematics degree from a small northeast Jesuit college. I initially wanted to be a history journalism major, but I realized fast that there was no real money in that pursuit. I still love to write (as you can probably tell) and I love history. I guess I'm one of those people who can work with both his left and right side brain hemispheres.

Lately though, I think I've begun to figure out much of the Eve game mechanics. I love solving problems and when I first started playing Eve it was like a gigantic "k-summation" - that is, a big proof. It had so many dimensions of understanding, that for me, the "head blowing up" experience was cathartic. I found a game that took more than just good eye-hand coordination; but real thinking and .... mathematics (so I thought).

I found when I used to try to solve complex math problems, that the thrill was figuring out the solution - the mix of variables and complexities. The end solution was very anti-climatic for me. I never got this "ah-ha or finished" experience, I just wanted a new problem, kinda like a junky looking for a high. I think this same principal applies to Eve for me. I've managed POS's, I know what ships do what and how to fit them, I understand the economic model, I know how to make and lose money, and I've figured out the skill matrix.

However.... I do know one area that I've not really exposed myself to, and that's hard-core pvp'ing. I'm not sure why it's not something that doesn't excite or drive me. I think it hearkens back to my high-school days at Valley Forge Military academy; that is, I realized that the best soldier with the best equipment is really playing a game of high-stakes chance. Sure, you can train harder, run faster, shoot better, etc.. but that doesn't really make any difference to a sniper at 150m with a 10x30 scope aiming for your teeth.. you're dead -- simple as that. No amount of training prepares you for chance.

When I pvp, I don't really get an adrenaline rush or high, I get the same feeling I got when I was back in military school, "how the hell do I get out of here without dying". You might think, well.. he's a coward, no... I'm not. The problem is that in military school, they teach you how to survive; the Sgt. York's of the world are thought of as careless - "never share a foxhole with someone braver than yourself.. ever!" A true "esprit de corps" is to survive and help others survive. One of the first tenants of combat is to ... "Keep your head down"... why? the bullet finds the highest mark... This is an absolute truth.

When I pvp, I think there is a detachment of reality that I can't get past. I want to survive more than fight, lose, clone and come back... it's just normal for my brain. Real life combat is confusing, it's LOUD, it's terrifying - and not filled with "lag" - sorry. You get extremely disoriented in your surroundings; you don't know which way is up - it's scary. I do remember one feeling I used to get after a mock-ambush that we would survive, a shear overwhelming sense of "relief" and terror. I used to puke my guts out sometimes at the rush - your body is jammed with hormones and adrenaline. It used to take me hours to come down.

I remember the drill instructor's telling us, the only reason for basic training is to teach you how to react and deal with confusion. I totally agree with that... pvp is full of confusion, many different variable calculations, excitement (for some), disorientation, and disappointment.

The reality of this post is that Eve is not so far removed from the real world... and Eve combat is not mathematics..

....instead of a high-stakes game of chance (your life), it's just a low-stakes game of chance (your clone)...